Shattered Heart

I saw her today.  As I've seen her many days before.  She looked as beautiful as she's always looked.  Since the event that shattered my heart, she has separated herself from me.  Stopped responding to my emails, changed her phone number.  I am  the fragmented remainder of a shattered love.  I pray everyday that I can make myself whole but pieces don't fit together well.  There are too many missing parts.

I apologized today.  To her face.  The first time in three years.  Should have done it sooner but I was weak.  Lacked the courage.  Had the courage today.  Have to watch myself though.  Too much courage may make her fear me.

At least she let me know that she appreciates my apology.  I appreciate that.  I wish I were a stronger person sometimes.  I have been clean and sober the last two weeks.  Usually on a day like this I would drink my sorrow away.  And It was alchohol that led to mybeing in this desolate wasteland of affection.

If I can get through this week without a drink, I will be a stronger person.  It is a daily journey of recovery, in many respects.